Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
