It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
