You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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