you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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