I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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