Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
