he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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