did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize