Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize