im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
