3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
