So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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