Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
