I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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