Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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