I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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