Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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