Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
