I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize