There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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