The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
