if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
