Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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