FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
