Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
