She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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