Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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