you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
