Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
