I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
