I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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