I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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