so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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