I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
