I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
