I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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