I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
