And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
