ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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