He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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