I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't turn off my feet"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
