Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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