Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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