He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
