I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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