I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
