bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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