yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just pee around me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
