I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
