I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
