There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
