member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
