We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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