Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
