I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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