i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
