At least make sure they are 18
Why
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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