In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
