with your own penis?
You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
