Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
