I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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