I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
