it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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