I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
