I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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