my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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