i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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