shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
