I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
