dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
